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Sure you do.

If you're a lady you've no doubt masturbated with me in mind on many occasion.

If you're a dude you probably have the same sort of man-crush on me that I have on that dude from Holmes on Holmes. It's an appreciation of being really really good at something that you aren't. In my case, handsomeness and awesometownliness.

It's a word. Shut up.

So a while back the girlfriend and I started up this little space because we thought it would be interesting to write about our experiences moving in together from 501 miles apart. It was an amazing idea. I still pat myself on the back, though I have to use my right hand each time because my left forearm is extraordinarily muscular from years of "surfing" the net and I can no longer bend my wrist. On a side note, I'm a fantastic butter churner. I can go all day.

Back to my point, though. We fired off a few posts and all was on track until we got sidetracked. Work was tough for her to come by, money became tight, I'd exhausted all free porn videos available on the net, and work was refusing to allow me to transfer to where I wanted to be. All of a sudden my free time for blogging about how large my penis is (We're talking monstrous, ladies) became time better spent going gray and working on a new right hand technique.

But guess what?

Good things come to those who wait. Well, to be fair it also happens to douchebags who don't deserve it. I see it every day, but that's another story. Good things for us, and maybe even good things for you, because it's entirely possible this brings a (or this) blog back from the depths of unusedness.

Totally a word.

So what happened?

The Bracelet-Bitchmore Compound is relocating to Charlotte, NC. A place where (I'm not going to lie in this space because it's not my style) I'll be excited to have a whole new set of minority faces to look at.

Look, I understand that Arab Americans are some of the most pleasant and fantastic looking people on the planet. Not hairy at all, delightful personalities full of sing-songy and melodic speech patterns, and clearly they are everybody's buddy. But it'll be nice to walk in to a gas station, or donut shop, or liquor store, or grocery store, or any store and not see "Sam" or his cousin in his affliction shirt greeting me.

You're probably thinking that I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. The population in the D is around 800,000. The neighboring Arab population is about 400,000. It's great that you can get great hommoulli and tabboush, but I need a change of scenery.

I'll be sad to no longer have access to all the friends and family that are here, but I'll be excited to finally live in a place that is on the upswing. A place where I will see more sun. I can play golf all year, maintain a farmer's tan year round, increase the area's consumption of Diet Mountain Dew, and pick up some annoying habits y'all!

So maybe Lady Bitchmore and I will start writing about this new experience. Maybe just me. Who knows?

But, come two months from now I'll be calling a new state home for the first time in 20 years.

I'll call it home, but despite the struggles of the D and my dislike for many things related to it, this has been my home for a long time. I've a million great memories and I'll be judging the hell out of North Carolina against them. Still, it'll be hard not to swap this:



For this:


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