I Mean, Really?


As we move closer to our move date we continue to get frustrated over people's lack of effort and desire in renting their home to us I had a few more things to get off my chest.

Really, you're listing "View from unit" as the first feature that comes with your condo?

Here, let me help you fill out the rest of that fantastic list.

View from unit
Floor throughout
Windows on all wall openings
Dedicated walling
Entryway door
Unique city address
Hot AND Cold faucets and showers (YOU GET TO CHOOSE!)

I mean, really?!?

So our first opportunity to check places out in person will be this week and next week. If we can't find anything, or can't get a look at all the properties we want to, Lady Bitchmore will stay another week and try to solidify things. At bare minimum she'll be down there for a week by herself. Well, she has family down there but I mean without me. I've gotta come back and make the bacon because I've found that you literally can not afford bacon if you don't go out and make bacon first. It's a bit of a bacon conundrum. Needless to say, I do need some bacon so I'll be back making it...err...buying it. Or whatever. Dammit, between the bacon and the shitty condo details I'm going to give myself an aneurysm. I should move on.

We have a guy coming to look at our stuff today to determine weight. If everything we own falls under 3,000 pounds we'll be able to have them move for us and not have to rent a uhaul. If this happens it will be a huge burden off my well oiled and sculpted shoulders. Basically that would keep our cost around par with renting and driving our own shit down there, and as much as I want to drive a 20ft truck while simultaneously towing 20 more feet of my vehicle behind me through the mountains of West Virginia I think I'll pass on that if I can. I love leisurely truck rides through the mountains at 45 mph as much as the next guy but I do prefer speeding through the same area in my car more.

Another small pet peeve I have is the moving van, van line, whatever, industry. While some independent moving companies have been helpful, the bigger ones almost routinely refuse to give out any rate over the phone. Look, asshole, if I know how much my shit weighs, and you base everything on weight not size, how is it impossible to give me a quote? In fact, I'm just trying not to waste your time. Perhaps you'd rather send someone out to analyze all my shit instead, come up with a similar amount, give me the quote you could have told me over the phone, and then have me tell you in person to go fuck yourself? Because I can do that. I have a whore mouth like that.

Or you could spend your time more wisely and let me know if what I'm looking for is something you can compete with.

Amazingly though, I was able to get out of them that the less my shit weighed the less priority it had on their very wide delivery window. If I ended up as their smallest load they could take it halfway around the country first and drop my shit off 2 weeks later on the high end. Really, major van line? That sounds fantastic! Why wouldn't I want to let you come see my shit so you can fuck me on how heavy your eyeballs think my stuff is, then deliver it at your leisure over the next half month. Awesome! Where do I give you a deposit?

What's that?

You don't ask for any money until delivery?

Well fuck me with an independent movers stupid 5 day guarantee because if that's one of your selling points I've got a great condo with flooring throughout and a view from the unit to sell you.


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  1. Easycure

    June 15, 2010 at 9:09 AM

    Our sercret on getting our stuff from Oregon to Texas: Friends. Or more accurately, friends with access to a 28' trailer.Or most accurately: friends with a 28' trailer, a huge diesel pickup, and the will to drive it down there 2 weeks later after we get there and help us unload it. Basically, we are so loved (or hated) that not only do they want us to leave town, they are willing to take a week out of their lives to help us get out of town.

  1. Betty Underground

    June 15, 2010 at 9:53 AM

    Feeling this blog is heavily waited from the male perspective.

    And since my word verification is (I shit you not) Elizzed, it's time for the chick to chime in.

  1. Bloody P

    June 15, 2010 at 8:30 PM

    Easycure -

    You're moving to Texas, doesn't EVERYONE own a rig down there?