Elizabeth is a stickler on every single certain aspects of our future home.

I'm OK with most of these requirements suggestions because she has good taste. She does like me, after all.

Big closets are great. She wants one. Nice. The larger the bedroom closet is the greater my chances of not having to store my meager wardrobe in the other bedroom are. Sadly, I don't think they make closets the size of small countries. At least I can (probably) have the second closet all to myself.

I shall call it the Man Closet.

Lots of kitchen space. Cool. I like not having to just stand there watching the dinner preparation because there isn't anywhere for me to set my boxes of pizza down.

Kitchen that overlooks the living space. Word. Watching your third Sportscenter of the morning is immensely more enjoyable when you can do so from the kitchen. With the laptop running a $50 poker sng. In your boxers. With your Diet Mountain Dew (in the can).

Artsie Loftie qualities like exposed brick and/or gigantic windows. Of course. Who wouldn't want to live in a cool place? I'm not sure how we'll attach the framed pictures of my high school soccer dominance and my many movie posters to the brick, but I'm sure we'll figure out a way.

Dual sinks in our future bathroom. Excellent. I only need about 3 minutes in front of the mirror and sink, but if it's mine I can outfit it as I see fit.

I shall call it my Man Sink.

I really don't have as many things on the must have list. But for the bathroom, there are certainly a few.

Dancing space. I need room to get down. Usually this only lasts for 10 seconds before I quickly realize how embarrassing it is and I stop. But I don't give up easily, and often get back on the horse the following morning. A slippery tiled floor is helpful but not necessary.

Large mirrors. I absolutely must flex in front of a quality mirror at least 3 times a week. Not after working out or anything. Just in the mornings sometimes. I like to see how my strict regimen of doing nothing is shaping up.

A loud, powerful fan. I don't need people two rooms over able to hear how healthy I am or am not. Bathroom noises should stay in the bathroom.

Lastly, I think there should be a spray of some sorts. I submit Poo Pourri.

Poo Pourri is not a disgustingly scented air freshener. It's a spray you use in the toilet before using it. Apparently it works to create a "barrier to embarrassing bathroom odors!"

I will absolutely positively without fail never ever ever ever become one of those guys who drops a bomb while his woman is in the bathroom getting ready. Or vice-versa. I know of people who do this and I can slap a Bracelet guarantee on its chances. Never. Luckily, like many many things, Elizabeth and I are in agreement on this.

Nobody should even be in the house when I go, let alone milling around eyeing my Man Sink and striking up conversation.

Anybody feel like admitting if they do this with their significant other?

Out yourselves!
  1. elizabeth

    May 7, 2008 at 12:03 PM

    slight clarification: you can outfit the cabinet UNDER your sink, because all that stuff on the counters? bad.

    poo pourri is hilarious.

  1. Irritable Male Syndrome

    May 7, 2008 at 12:25 PM


    That's pretty much all I can add to this discussion. Thanks for your time, and good day.

  1. Human Head

    May 7, 2008 at 12:49 PM


    You may want to strike the word 'Never'. Seriously. Not saying that one should seek to drop deuces in the presence of one's partner, but literally, shit can happen.

    Sometimes the colon becomes so headstrong you must to bend to its will, or your pants pay the price.

    No one likes it, but the good will certainly come with moments of odoriferous bad.

  1. Anonymous

    May 8, 2008 at 3:45 PM

    yeah, I'm with the head on this one. Good intentions and all, but I've been married 9 1/2 years, and sometimes there really is no choice in the matter.


  1. Uncle Bracelet

    May 8, 2008 at 5:02 PM

    I just can't ever imagine it happening, guys. Maybe I'm crazy. Hell, if it does happen and I still have a blog at that point I promise I will post about it so you can say you told me so.

  1. elizabeth

    May 8, 2008 at 5:42 PM

    oh you won't have to blog about it, because i will be outing your manstink to the world. always always always must have 2 bathrooms.

  1. Anonymous

    May 8, 2008 at 6:47 PM

    Granted, when there is fair warning, I am shunned to the guest bathroom (assuming we have no guests at that time). I am a sad man, banished from his own bathroom.


  1. Hammer Player a.k.a Hoyazo

    May 12, 2008 at 2:59 PM

    Married 5 1/2 years Bobby, and I can say without hesitation N-E-V-E-R.

    It's never that urgent man. Never never never.

  1. Uncle Bracelet

    May 12, 2008 at 10:38 PM

    Never is right.

    And an outhouse might just be genius.