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Up To 74%!!!


Moving is a bitch.

It shouldn't be so hard. You put stuff sitting around you in boxes and then either pay someone to move them or load them in a rented truck yourself. Placing things in boxes and carrying them to an open truck shouldn't be that difficult, but it is.

As much as I'd love to pay someone to do it for us, it'll be at least $400 cheaper to do it ourselves. That's money that can be used on more important things. Like food, home accessories, utilities, golf, monthly ivanafukalot.com dues. These things aren't cheap and every little bit counts. So that, along with all the other costs of moving, leave us doing it ourselves.

U-Haul can suck it, I mean, they are priced higher than both Penske and Budget no matter where you go or what date you select and they're so goddamn proud of their lower loading ramps as if people's only complaint is that they wish the grade were 5% lower as they wrestle all the heavy, awkward shit they never wanted in the first place up a narrow-ass ramp and god forbid you just throw in a fucking hand truck to help out, I mean, it isn't as if you're getting a THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS for that old ass truck with shitty brakes maybe you offset the death defying trip I'll be taking through the mountains with a few motherfucking furniture pads on the house and if Budget really wants to charge me an extra hundred dollars to rent a truck from their lot of 900 hundred trucks a whopping 3 days later than their "deal" expires I may go apeshit on someone because I may not know the difference between "18yo" and "Teen" porn categories but I do know that those trucks aren't going anywhere you foreign dipshit I ALREADY LOOKED ON THE INTERNET SO WHEN I ACTUALLY SHOW UP TO SPEAK WITH YOU IN PERSON MAYBE YOU COULD DO MORE FOR ME THAN OPEN UP YOUR OWN WEBSITE AND DO WHAT I ALREADY FUCKING DID ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME because the trucks aren't going anywhere and maybe you'd like some business instead of just sitting on your ass on a lot full of unused trucks or I have a better idea yet, maybe you can get as aggressive as the moving companies that call me ten times a goddamn week to offer me "up to 74% off the price of other movers" yet all the goddamn companies are charging the same inflated, ridiculous price to move my shit like I'm just going to be a jackass and say OK mister mover guy, please come to my house and rape me of my dollars at your leisure because if my couch weighs 400 pounds I'll be a goddamn monkey's uncle and I know goddamn well you can tell me if you can beat a price of another company without coming out to do your own estimate because I know how many cubic feet I have and how much it's estimated to weight and the girth units and virtual landscape it takes up and I know that EVERY GODDAMN ONE OF YOU USES THE WEIGHT AND CUBIC FEET TO DETERMINE THE PRICE SO IF YOU CAN'T COMPETE WITH THE PRICE I GIVE YOU ON THE PHONE LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ON A SUNDAY for chritsake that's the lord's day and I use it for masturbating angrily into my least favorite socks while sobbing over my high school yearbook messages from friends that wrote to me that we'd be in touch forever and yet I've never received one phone call or letter or even the lamest of all things which is the facebook wall posting wishing me a happy birthday and once the sobbing resides and the socks are in the wash I usually sit alone for awhile on my 400 pound couch dreaming of scenarios where someone actually utilizes common sense and looks out for others, says "thank you" and "sorry", parks like a normal person, drives like a sane person, and comes over to help me pack a truck with all my worldly possessions.

Seriously, though.

Time to pay a visit to IOweYouOnesBurg. This truck isn't going to pack itself.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's the lord's day. I've some personal stuff to attend to.

~
3 comments

Posted in

  1. TripJax

    July 12, 2010 at 8:13 PM

    Let us not forget I'm 85 minutes from your new home.

    It's on.

  1. sitboaf

    July 14, 2010 at 12:14 AM

    That paragr... sente... sentegraph (!) was read and immediately upgraded to EPIC.